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Saturday, October 20th, 2001
5:29 pm - I'm A Slave For You Loyal Fans.
Lefty says:

Yes, it's been a while. Lately, Britney's been a little hesitant to let us do our own publicity. I guess she's concerned about she appears to the public. She doesn't want to be seen as just a sex symbol anymore. That's why in her new music video, she only thrusts 4 times and gyrates 7 times, compared with the average 8 and 12.

In the new video, one of the dancers licks her face. This is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. A couple months ago the dancer would have licked me or righty instead. Or should that be "righty and me"? Oh, I don't know. Alas, I never went to school. I feel like such an udder failure.

So, you might have seen Britney at the VMA's about a month ago. Man, that snake was so close, I was afraid it was going to bite me. Right in the JUGular. But luckily, it didn't. Let it be known that Britney Spears takes good care of her boobs.

Fondly yours,
Lefty

current mood: drained

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Sunday, March 25th, 2001
12:59 pm - Britney's Adventure in Mexico!
Lefty says:

Okay, sorry. I know it's bee a while since we've updated, but first I got sick, and then Righty went through rehab, and then Britney had this whole Mexico fiasco, which I'm going to tell you about later in this entry.

But first: To our fans, sadly Britney did not win a Grammy, although she was nominated for both best female pop vocal and best pop vocal album. Fortunately, neither did that skank "best new artist of 1999" Christina Aguilera. If I had arms I would smack Faith Hill.

Well, anyway, about a month ago, Britney was at a Dairy Queen in El Paso, signing autographs and raising money for Justin Timberlake's foundation for music in schools or saving whales or the ozone or something. To be honest whenever that guy comes over, I kind of zone out. Truth be told, he kind of weirds me out. He's a little, shall we say, eccentric, and while I don't have a problem with the eyeliner, the constant shrieking gets on my nerves. But I don't hate him as much as Righty does. He has his good points. For example, he's very good at... well... nevermind.

Anyway, Britney and Justin were signing autographs and raising money and publicity and all that, when all of a sudden, this man in a leather vest and a motorcycle helmet comes in with a briefcase full of money and a message that Justin is needed in Tijuana. So we follow him in Britney's Dune Buggy, and make a long story short, four gun shots and eight-hundred pounds of crack-cocaine later, we end up in a Mexican jail cell. Now, I don't want to go into details, but Britney was able to convince the guard to let us go with a little persuasion, and some reluctant help from Righty and myself. With a stolen gun and a hostage named Tito Justin jacked the first bus we saw back to LA, and before you could say "federal investigation", we were on a plane to Orlando, safe and sound.

In other news, Britney got a yummy new pair of pants the other day.

That's all. Keep requesting Britney's songs on your local radio station and Total TRL Live!

Fondly yours,
Lefty

current mood: awake

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Monday, January 29th, 2001
1:26 pm - Pride
Lefty says:

I hope y'all got a chance to see the Superbowl Halftime show yesterday. Anybody? Okay. Britney sang with N'Sync, and Nelly, and Mary J. Blige, and, uh, some old guys. Anyhoo, she was wearing this really tight shirt, and I have to say, we looked fabulous. Absolutely incredible. I've never felt better sbout my plump roundness. My nipple was squealing with delight. Squeal! Squeal!

Ah... I think Righty enjoyed it, too, even though she pretended she didn't. (Don't tell her I said that) She's been kind of in a grumpy mood lately. I honestly don't know why. I feel a little better every morning. Each day, so rife with possibilities. So very, very rife. Aw, the rifeness. Or is it rifity? I'd look it up in the dictionary, but alas, i have no hands. Alas, alas, alas.

Fondly yours,
Lefty

P.S. I know Righty was complaining before about the step aerobics, but I think they're fantastic.

current mood: full

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Wednesday, January 17th, 2001
6:01 pm - Fatigue
Righty says:

Britney likes to do step aerobics. Why? Why? It makes me bounce up and down when all I wanted to do was sleep. Last night, Britney kept rolling over on her side, and Lefty kept falling on me. I told her to get up, but she sleeps like a rock. What a boob.

So now I feel like a gellatinous blob of fat. Also, Lefty wants me to tell you all that Britney is up for two grammy awards, so everyone should root for her. Frankly I don't care. I just hope she doesn't make us go in one of those low-cut tight-fitting pieces of cloth. I get no respect.

current mood: crushed

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Friday, January 12th, 2001
5:28 pm - Frustration
Righty says:

Ugh! Stop looking at me! Why? Why! Why must we be constantly be in the media's eye?! Are we real? Can we spell good? Shut up! Leave us alone! (And no, i don't want any anonymous posts saying it should be "spell well" because I don't freaking care! Read my nipple: I DON"T CARE!!)

Look at the picture to your left, would you? You know who that's a picture of? That's a picture of me. And a little bit of Lefty. But mostly me. That makes me sick. She picked the picture. And of course, she picked a picture of me. What a load of crap this is. I'd change it, but I don't really know how. Computers aren't my strong point.

grr... lousy Justin Timberlake... always touching me all the time...

current mood: touched

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Monday, January 1st, 2001
11:06 pm - Excitement
Lefty says:

Only seven more days until the American Music Awards. I'm so excited. In case you didn't know, Brtiney's hosting (Duh). Today, Britney tried on her entire wardrobe in front of some mirrors and dress designers and whatnot, and let me tell you, we're going to be getting plenty of air time. Sometimes it seems the world just can't get enough of us. I, of course, am thrilled by this, but Righty says she's had enough, and she can't wait until Britney retires or becomes unpopular (god forbid)or whatever. She also says that if the media doesn't stop following us around so muich soon, Righty might just hang up her hat and break up the twosome, and I'd have to continue my carreer on my own. Hopefully though, these are just idol threats and Righty would never leave me, although I'm confident that I could carry the show by myself (although it might be a little lopsided). Britney has supported and durtured us and allowed us to grow all these years; I think the least we could do is stand up for herand help her make her shpw complete. I mean, we're not going to be perky forever. WE might as well make use of our supple firmness now, while we have the chance.

I see where Righty's coming from in a way, though. During rehearsals for the AMAs, LL Cool J (our co-host) keeps staring at us. And he's totally obvious about it too. Ah well, 'tis the life of a boob.

Well, back to rehearsal. Again.

Fondly yours,
Lefty

current mood: bouncy

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